Up to God

It's about time I follow up on that last post. Sorry it's taken me so long to write it out. The past week and a half has been filled with some school activities, house-repairing parties (one of which will be starting Tuesday and ending sometime before the weekend), reading and helping out at home (a hobby of mine ;)


One of the school activities was reading the Life Purpose Booklet. The book was OK. Most of it was stuff I already knew, had already done was in the process of walking out, but reading the examples in the back helped to clarify some of my own longings, and passions (- a calling?)
My Life Purpose Statement looks like the first-draft that it is. If I try writing beyond the first draft, though, I find that I veer off into all sorts of tangents, bunny trails (dare I say deer paths?) and I soon lose sight of what it is I really feel God has designed my heart for.


I started off this fall looking for a way to broaden my platform - somehow make what I was doing more public through participating in the Miss USA beauty pageant. For the most part the feedback I get is incredibly supportive and affirming, "Aha! That's a great idea!" Eyes light up. "Ooh, you'll do good at that," big awarding smiles... Affirmation, affirmation, affirmation. It was a brilliant! A truly wonderful idea. Now, I do know, for at least some people, that these statements were stated because my peers, my friends, my elders, the people I look up to (even when they are younger than I) believe in me, believe in who I am, and believe in what God is doing... but God has been calling me somewhat deeper.

Something about the whole pageant philosophy/ idea never exactly settled right with me. There was something that just wasn't right; I wasn't exactly sure what was wrong, exactly. I had a general idea, but as to specifics? At least, this is the best way I can explain it...

After prayer with my parents (for the second time), and contemplation, meditation and in the Word time, things began to fall into place a little more clearly.

Upon completing the Life Purpose Booklet, God began to straighten out those jumbled thoughts in my head (there really is something extremely helpful about putting thoughts on paper). For the longest time I've know "what I want to do," what I want the "beginning of the end point" to be. But how, exactly, has been somewhat of a mystery to me. I have not ever been exactly sure how to get to where I want to go... but then, as I was finishing up the book, it hit me, I am doing what I need to be doing...
Better yet God is helping me to do what HE wants me to be doing, what He wants me to get done, how HE wants me to walk it out...
It's AMAZING!!
It's not big and fantabulous, like a wonderful, girly, Cinderella-story beauty pageant, but it's what needs to be done.
My deepest hearts desire isn't to have an international, or even national, or even state-wide, women's ministry where I travel around speaking, singing, dancing... whatever the medium! That's simply not my personality. There are other things, deeper things, I want to get done...
This is an amazing life-calling, life-ministry, and I have some girl-friends who I really do believe are called to this ministry and are walking it out as we speak, but that's not my cup-a-tea ;)


February 2010 was the first year in five consecutive years that I hadn't hosted a Valentines Tea for the young ladies that I know.
The tea started out as a way to get together with a bunch of girl-friends and do something ridiculously girly in the middle of the cold, desolate, freezing, icy winter. This progressed into a protocol study ending in a Christmas tea-celebration and then Valentines party. Which, in turn, progressed into a regular get-together, then Valentines party... progressing into a fashion show-slumber-party, then Valentines "Dreams" tea-party- study... which progressed into....
SO many ideas!

My original dream was to have a retreat, over the weekend, for young ladies regarding femininity - being the young women God has called you to be, seeking who He wants you to be, applying what you were to who you are now to expand His kingdom and bring Him glory. The problem was that there are so many things that really do need to be squeezed in, that the idea expanded into a week-long event, growing into a month-long (sporadically) event, extending into a year-long... I mean... once-a-month event, stretching into a four-year-plan... I mean...
You get the picture ;) There is so much that is applicable to this, so much that really does need to be shared and proclaimed to women of my generation and younger!


There is an incredible amount of ideas and things that need to be shared, but it's just not all feasible for any human being... doing what I can do in the time that is possible is what's required. Be faithful to what God has called (continue doing what I have been doing), the rest is up to God!

Shifting, Changing, Transition

As some of you have heard I had applied to compete in the Miss USA South Dakota 2010 pageant.

Not to say I have, yet again, completely placed this on the shelf, but rather punched the "hold" button... again... And yeah, I do realize that I said I wouldn't... But please bear with me.

Sometime last fall I had this nudge to start an annual young-woman's support group for our geographic area. This was before my grandparents fiftieth, the house fire, my aunt's passing, my older sisters hospitalization and the all around upside down turning of my entire life as I know it... I still don't think I have completely turned "right side up," as of yet... In fact, I'm fairly certain I'm doomed to remain "half way up," but won't ever recover to a fully vertical position - lol.

All that being said, I've taken my turn, numerous times, of "jumping off the deep end" within the last twelve months. Everything from going to Georgia last minute to campaign for an acquaintance to getting a job forty-five minutes from home, to applying to compete in a beauty pageant, to talking with my grandmother about possibly going to New York when my cousin and sister graduate from school... to... *breathe...* the list goes on!

But I think I'm ready to hit the "I'm not only off my rocker, but have flung myself from it" "like button" on Facebook...

Of course, like most stories, the beginning starts "once upon a time," but I really don't have the time, and I'm sure you don't either, to hear as far back as "once upon a time," and quite frankly, I don't want to spend that much time on a machine this evening :)

So I'll start with this Summer...

While in Georgia, in the van an hour longer than we thought, lost amidst turbo-city-traffic, crammed into the car (luggage and all) we (the young adult campaign-volunteers) decided to ask one another the "get real comfortable and close, share your deepest darkest within the next five minutes because we are GOING to like each other" questions.

One of those questions was, "what (do you believe) God has called you to do with your life (/ what are you most passionate about in life?)"

My answer is a hands-down "women's ministry. " Done, next.

At the end of each "mini interview" we follow the TeenPact Mock Legislation format and state, "I am now open for questions..." Where you are either attacked with a flurry of "goofiness" and laughter, or you are asked one or two more serious questions that get stuck in your brain and absolutely refuse to leave (ever?!?!?!?!)

One such question was asked when I had finished my "get to know facts about me for three minutes" interview.

"How are you living what God has called you to do

"when you grow up"

in life right now?"

Ha ha!! Miss/Mr Smarty Pants, eh! Well, fine then.. Be aggravating, irritating and ask the hard question! Just don't expect a reasonable answer, because, girl/ boy, I'm running' away from what I think God wants me to do next because I don't have a clue how to do it!

I do have to admit that my reply was quite lame. Okay, really highly very and extremely lame. So lame in fact, that I didn't really want any one to ask me any thing ever again about anything related to the topic.

See, us humans have a tendency to ignore those settle promptings from God to start something. We make excuses, "I'm already living a life of high standards," "if I raise the bar of my personal standards any more I'll be living something in the 'legalism department..." "I don't have time!" "I don't know how..." "Some one else with more experience will do it." "I don't have time to do that right now." "My life is too busy." "I simply cannot afford it."

My excuses were more around the areas of "high standard living" and "finances (or lack there of)" departments.

It all started with pageantry, and tea parties, and dressing up, and being feminine, and fashion, and shoes, and embracing the call of mother hood (if God has laid that on your life-calling), and pursuing a life of purity. It all fits together. It all goes together. It's a sort of circular reasoning.

The state that I live in offers, really in quite honesty, nothing for young women in this regard, except for our fantastic annual Purity Ball, hosted by the National Abstinence Clearing House. This Purity Ball promotes purity to the young women of our community. It's a wonderful event, and I thoroughly enjoyed the time that I went! But it lasts for only a few hours, one evening, one time a year (if economy allows).

The area I'm in is highly rural, and resources for young women about as few and far between as humanity is.

At one time in history, there was a quaint tea house in our down-town district, but because of economy had to fold. I think this may have been the only tea house in the entire state!

Up until this fall, I had hosted a tea, of one sort or another, between Christmas and Valentines day, for young women. We talked about all sorts of things! Anything from fashion to our deepest dreams and longings filled our conversation. All who attended were well fed on multiple different levels, by the time we began filing out of the building.

Why didn't I host this tea this year? Too much transition! Too much change! Too much shifting....

But now there is another shifting, a deeper one. A changing, a beckoning deep within to dig out that dream that I had a year ago of putting together an annual event for young women to connect with like-minded young women, to learn and grow as ladies of this generation, Princesses of the King of Kings. A dream to resource young women with more, with relationships, with books, with web sites, CD's, speaker notes, pictures... Anything that helps them to reach for The Goal: Christ... To keep their eyes solely on Jesus! To Encourage and inspire; to, together pursue what God has for us as His girls...

................... More to come on what exactly I'll be doing ;) ...

The Art of Battle

I think I have discovered the title for a new book. A book for the follower's of Yhwh. A book to revitalize, energize and ultimately feed and nurture the souls of the beloved followers of Our Lord.

The Art of Battle: A warriors Guide.

Such a book deserves to be written. Must... needs to be written! And, on the other hand, such a book already exists...
So perhaps, more than a book, my hearts longing is, at this time and season, my brothers and sisters. Those who share my faith, and are ultimately, "fighting the fight," and "running the race set out before us..." Brothers and sisters whom I can say, "Together! We fight!," with.

"Together we stand! Apart, we're steak..." That joke has an uncanny, and disturbing, truness to it.

"but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us." ~ Romans 5:3-5

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnessed, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." ~ Hebrews 12:1-3

"When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hand on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn." ~ Harriet Beecher Stowe

Why, in times of emotional turmoil, spiritual collision and physical taxation; why is it, in these times, G-d seems to be non-present.
My heart knows He is near. Indeed, when you sit quietly, and listen; stop thinking and breathe in the 'Fragrance of God'; Wash yourself under The Word - the Water of Life; relax under the strength and wisdom of Him on High; you do, truly, know, in your heart of hearts, feel nearly physically, and see in your minds eye, that you are in the presence of the Almighty.
You are the 'apple of His eye." He "waves the banner over you," you are His, and He is yours!

A quote I once heard was, "when you hit rock bottom, the only place to go is up," which I find correlates remarkably with something a well-intentioned person told me, "well, it couldn't get any worse!" This was post-house fire, and after my dear aunt Susan succeeded in her race Home.
The term "rock bottom," is a relative term. A term that can be defined in multiple different ways. A term that, seemingly, means absolutely nothing when compared to another's suffering, hardship and cross-bearing.
There is only ever a "going up," part to the "when you hit rock bottom," quote, only if you accept the hand of Him who carries our sin and shame, to lift you up.
The term, "it couldn't get any worse," is just as relative. When someone tells me that, I want to quote Golda on Fiddler on The Roof, "pta! Do you want to invite bad luck?!"
(This, indeed, leads to the question, "what unseen doors do we open in the realm of the spiritual, with our words?" - One must wonder!)

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race(!), I have kept the faith(!)." ~ 2 Timothy 4:7

"~'The battles of the spirit that we face in times of trial can be won simply by lifting our hands to heaven, praising the Father of lights, asking His will be done, and thanking Him for the victory that is already ours.'~
Isn’t it comforting to know that even when we don’t feel as though we’ve won the battle, we can know that we have if we simply pour our hearts into trusting and praising Him?" ~http://atentforthesun.com/winning-the-battle/#comments

Hi Again!

It's been awefully long since I have posted anything on this blog of femininity and girlieness.... too long!
I must say I have quite missed clacking away on the computer, writing about fashion, femininity, modesty, woman-hood and the call of young ladies by Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
Catching up:

Since the fire, I have had the wonderful opporunity to attend a History Museum, where I learned about the importanct of swords, the differnet types of swords, and that I aspire to (someday) learn how to use the Rapier (and... umm.... buy one :-D VERY lady-like, I know). The gentleman who was showing off his wonderful weapons of war was quite engaged with my brother, friend and I, as we asked questions related to the wonders of the historic correctness movies (such as Princess Bride) portray about weapontry.

(it was quite enjoyable) As a side note, I also found out that I was defined as "Arwen"
on a "what Lord of the Rings character" quiz that I took...

So the Rapier makes sense... right?

Another thing that "happened upon me..." Or more approprietly, something I was drafted into..

Mom directs a drama performance for a local home school drama competition. This year the woman who who assisted her is not only a talanted actress, herself, but a beautiful gifted seamstress!

In fact, she either taylored or completely built, from scratch, the incredibly beautiful costumes the young ladies and gentlmen were privilaged to wear in front of a public audienc! (I was so jealous!)

And I have discovered that I absolutely adore Christa-Taylor's blog, as well as fashion line :)

PLEASE visite:

www.christa-taylor.com

:)

Souled Out

Under the Umbrella of South Dakota's pride and joy, Life Light (a free weekend long concert featuring artists of every genre, as a Christian ministry to the locals of SD, pulling in people from Wisconsin, Iowa, Minnesota, Nebraska, North Dakota, and a few other states) there is a ministry known as Souled Out. A youth ministry. A ministry to reach out to our mostly lost generation.

A ministry with a hundred or so people working in it to woo the hearts of me non-logical, calloused generation.

What a calling to be a part of such a ministry!

I personally know two families who work closely with and in this ministry. Both are amazing families, both Souled Out themselves, both families have three children. Both live their lives on the line for Christ.

Last Friday I attended our church Young Adults ministry, The River. Never in my life have I been so shocked at the participation, or lack there of, in a group.

• The young adults did not interact with the leaders of the The River - the leaders always had to initiate if they were to expect any interaction.


• The attendees did not interact with the speaker except to laugh nervously, or in inappropriate places (for example, when the speaker attempted to give the Hebraic word for certain themes in the Bible [praise, stewardship, etc.] and then defined the Hebrew word, the audience would laugh as if it were a joke.
• As the speaker was asking the students to think about things that were keeping them from growing deeper in the Lord (jobs, money, boy/girl-friend, etc.) a couple sitting in front of me was touching each other in a very friendly manner... This is probably sounding very judgmental, but an apparent friend of the couple (sitting next to them) looked at the girlfriend, raised her eyes brows and smiled in that "uh huhh" type of way. Perhaps I'm reading too much into this, but don't you think our generation would be closer to God if we focused on God at church instead of focusedly touching our boy/girl friend?

Perhaps I am being to judgemental, perhaps I don't understand. Perhaps being home schooled my entire life has left me to expecting to much from other people, especially my peers.

Perhaps.. perhaps... perhaps...

Or... Perhaps I expect what ought to be expected of my peers, raise the bar of expectation, expect them to research and dig deeper into finding the true, God-intended meaning of words...

Perhaps I am following my calling in life, to expect much of me, but expecting too much of others in my generation..

???

What is one to do, when they can see all that could be enriched, but perfectly incapable of making it into reality because fear sets in, or you feel inadequate, or "you're younger than those people," "you don't have enough experience," "you've only gone once?"

Should I stand up and Face my Giants, or sit back and let Someone Else stand up?

Should I go against the flow of culture, or live my life on the line, as my friends in the Souled Out ministry do?

Where is the line between too high of expectations, and raising the bar to where God intended it?

When do we know, as followers of Christ, when the time has come to STAND UP, and when we are supposed to focus on SOMETHING ELSE?

Very distinctly, a few weeks ago, God spoke to me. He said that my ministry was "right here.. right amidst these young adults of 2-13... Right here, where the young woman are seeking help, guidance, support and mentors... Right here, among the young woman, and young children is where I called you."

So does this mean I edit and copy up a list of "suggestions" on our computer of The River, and gently, thoughtfully, prayerfully and encouragingly give the list to our youth pastor?

Or does this mean I simply pray and ask God to bring someone into the church who has a heart for ministry?

The Last Sin Eaters Maiden

The Actress Gabrielle Fitzpatrick, who played

Bletsung McLeod

I have a dream, though. A dream to to be a Proverbs 31 Woman. A dream inspired by a movie which is seemingly irrelevent to being an ezer. If you have seen The Last Sin Eater, then I think, perhaps, you'll know who and what I am referring to in that movie. Just to be extra clear, I will explain this a little further.
In the movie The Last Sin Eater, which was originally a book written by Francine Rivers, there is a maiden whose name is Bletsung McLeod. She is a hermitess, or so to speak, due to the unusual circumstances of her life story.
Her life story goes something along the lines of this:
Bletsung McLeod lived with her abusive father. She found a safe friend, and the masculine leadership she needed in her child-hood guy-friend, Sim.
As Sim and Bletsung grew they found they met each others needs in emotional, psychological, mental and spiritual ways, and so their relationship became that of a sweetly tender romance.

Being first generation immigrants from Scotland to America, there was a great deal of superstition and past sins which hurt more than just their families and clan. The immigrant leader, along with the help of the other clan men, annihilated an entire tribe of Natives to the Appalachian mountains. Desiring to hide his sin and the true reason for destroying the tribe of Indians (which was simply because he did not want to share the resources of the land, and not because the Natives were dangerous, as he claimed) the clan leader took a pole with chicken bones to declare a new "Sin Eater," which was a superstitious practice brought over from Scotland.(The pole was very similar to "whoever draws the shortest stick gets to do the yucky job")

The Sin Eater was chosen, and Bletsung McLeod, from that day forward lived a life of singleness as a hermitess. She was ridiculed and scrutinized because she was relational with the Sin Eater and extended her knowledge of herbal medicine - the outcome was being called a "witch," despite the simple fact that she was no witch, nor sorceress, but a good steward of the resources God had given her for that time in her life - good soil, plenty of water and herbs.

She did not have a faith in God as a father, nor did she have knowledge of Christ. But she sought Truth, and then accepted it with open arms when it was offered to her.

Looking at the character of Bletsung McLeod, one can see many desirable qualities, as young women, as maidens and as ladies desiring to be ezer's and Proverbs 31 women.

Firstly, which is my favorite, Bletsung is Fearlessly Feminine. She wears a dress all the time. Now, this was the right and proper thing to do, especially in the early to mid 1700's. Unlike her peers, although they were worn out from bearing many children, losing several children through death (as was common in that day and age) and providing for their sometimes heathen husbands, Bletsung dressed as a lady. The movie portrays her as being an incredible seamstress (although not stated directly, she would have no one else to sew her clothing for her, she's an outcast after all). Her taste in fashion is portrayed as mastery in excellence. The design of her dress, color and style are simply breathtaking and modest! (I would take one of her dresses any day!).

And her hair! Oh my goodness! Yes, it is true, the actress of the movie is a natural beauty, I must say (many in this movie are, naturally beautiful in an innocent and pure way). I am basing this aspect strictly on the movie (as I have not read the book and have been told by several people that the movie is much better), Bletsung lets her hair run free with the wind. Although I would not suggest curling your hair for every day activity (as I believe the actress did to her bangs), I do hold high regard and respect for those who take the time to fix their hair in an attractive way and take care of it properly (conditioning it when necessary, trimming it when you need it etc., and in a "fixing it up" way, styling in it such a way as to keep it out of and enhances your face, everyone wants to see your beautiful eyes and bright smile! Hair is beautiful, but sometimes it is overwhelming and hides one's facial features, making it hard to converse and takes away from Paul's teaching that a woman's hair is "her glory," not place to hide :)

Although I don't think either dress or her hair was practical, having worked on outside building projects in Appalachia for a week in the middle of Summer, I do think Bletsung McLeod is a wonderful example of what feminine modesty is in a fashion sense.

Secondly, the woman was a good steward. She had skill and worked to enhance those skills. She lived off the land and provided for herself - no one else would and she had no family.

She studied botany and was an herbalist. It shows in the movie and talks a bit about in the book Bletsung tending her garden and working with wild bees for honey.

She obviously used herbs for healing, as she prepares naturally based medicines (she had nothing else) to tend to a boy with broken ribs and other serious injuries - he heals beautifully. (Read the Epilogue of the book)

In her knowledge of botany and allowing her maternal instincts to shine through, instead of stuffing them inside, or exchanging them for "toughness" as so many woman in our culture, Bletsung McLeod was used as a tool to bring physical healing to a character in the story, bring emotional healing and companionship to a persecuted outlaw of the cove (or clan) and was capable of inviting redemption and personal healing to herself.

Bletsung mastered the art of natural living and found contentment in this simple-lifestyle; and so she had truly conquered the concept and state of being an "Earth Mother."

Thirdly, which is perhaps one of the most beautiful and incredible aspects of her role, Bletsung McLeod was a true, marked ezer. She wasn't a Christian, but she knew her place in the world as a whole, and then also in society. She was unafraid and openly identified herself as a lady, helper, friend and nurturer.

She befriended her seemingly "worst enemy" - the Sin Eater. (Who, according to the superstition, was unable to touch or be seen by anyone, otherwise that person would too take on the sins of the world. As I said, this is a perfectly family-friendly film about an entire Celtic clan's redemption, forgiveness - of one another and the past generation - for themselves, and then basking in the love of the Lord)

The sweet romance she had with Sim as a young woman, had died. In it's place an unquenching, deep and definite love resounded between the two characters.

They could not have "romance" in the worlds standards, and certainly could not have a "passionate 'I'm in love'" twitter painted infatuation that comes over many young people during puberty and young adulthood. (Which has taken the place of the love Paul talks about when he tells husbands to "love your wives as Christ Loves the Church." This is an Agape, or Caritas and Eros, or "I love you because you are you" love, as C.S Lewis puts it. This is very different from a "Venus," or sexual love.)

As the movie progresses, it becomes more and more apparent that Bletsung and her friend share an Eros love for one another. A love that expresses "you are who you are, and I love you because of that." This is intertwined with an Agape (or in Greek, Caritas) love.

Bletsung tells her love to his face;

"If I cannot be your wife, and bear your children,

then I will be no mans..."

She is unshakably committed to this lion-hearted man, dispite his complete inability to care for her as a man ought care for his woman.

They cannot touch each other.

They cannot look at each other.

They can only speak to one another - communicate through words, share a mutual love in verbage and share dreams using limited language.

How pure their love must have been when Bletsung "became his wife" and "bore his children"

How special their relationship must have been; how deep their loyalty to one another when, after years of waiting, life-altering hardship, and the extremities of the world pressed down on them, they share an intimately romantic life. Not only intimate in the physical sense (as defined by so many), but also in the emotional, intellectual, spiritual and mental sense.

She may not have been able to be close to the man she deeply loved physically, but she waged war for him by being his help meet and loving him for who he was - with Eros love, and in doing so she was even closer than any two sexually involved lovers could ever be, they knew each others' heart. For providing for herself and telling him she cared enough about him, despite what the word said, to wait for him.

In the end, her loyalty, faithfulness and commitment to be courageously feminine, an excellent steward and passionately committed to the man she loved paid off, despite the world telling her "she couldn't do it," "he's not good enough," "you deserve better," "you act as a witch," and "why don't you just give up..."

You can be a Proverbs 31 woman too!

It takes just one small step at a time.

What step is God asking you to take?